


Strong

by Highuffle



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Cancer Arc, Cancer Arc (X-Files), Episode: s05e01-02 Redux, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Love, This is my first time tagging, i think, so much love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:41:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21838402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Highuffle/pseuds/Highuffle
Summary: In this AU, The events are the same except that Mulder doesn't find anything in the evidence room below the Pentagon. CSM doesn't give him any cure either but tries to convince him to work for him anyway.This takes place just after Mulder cried at Scully's bedside. He doesn't want to leave so he stays in the room with her. At some point she wakes up and sees him there.
Relationships: Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Comments: 3
Kudos: 31





	Strong

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing an X-files fic. Actually this is my first fic. I'm new to the fandom and started watching in april, I finished season 9 for the first time a couple of weeks ago and... well I'm pissed off. I just feel like Chris Carter robbed us of a LOT of MSR moments and I had to out my frustration somewhere, so here I am.
> 
> Sorry if it's a bit too much, but those two just bring it out in me it's insane!
> 
> Also, English is not my first language so sorry if sometimes it doesn't feel authentic.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

He's sitting on the chair next to her bed, his eyes fixed on some random spot, just to try and concentrate on something other than the reality he doesn't want to face.  
He's never felt more miserable, crying his desperation out only minutes ago knelt besides her bed, or was is hours? He doesn't really know at this point.  
He's found nothing at the DOD. He was so sure the answer was there, that he would find the cure for her cancer, the cancer she developed because of him, because of her proximity to him. He did this to her and now he can't even save her. Her brother is right, he's one sorry son of bitch.  
He doesn't believe the Cancer Man when he tells him that he doesn't have the cure. Of course he does, but he will never do anything that doesn't serve his interests. And still he had the audacity to try to convince him to quit the bureau and work with him, that he doesn't have any moves left anyway with Ostelhoff's death, with the death of his partner.  
He won't blame the murder on Scully, he would never do that to her, and maybe that means he's screwed, but if she's not here does it even matter? He has become so dependable on her, he'd probably be dead by now if it wasn't for her. He's going to lose the single most important person in his life and she's going to take everything he is with her.  
He has her hand in his, he needs the contact, be close to her before he can't never be again. He doesn't want to believe this is the end, he can't accept it, after all they've been through? And yet he's sitting here without a cure, not doing a damn thing to help her. One sorry son of a bitch.

“Mulder?”

Her frail, weary voice brings him out of his sorry contemplation. She sounds so vulnerable, As if a single gust of wind could shatter her into a thousand pieces, like glass so immensely precious. It breaks his heart all over again to see her like that, so far away from the woman she's supposed to be, his Scully, so strong and brilliant and radiant, slowly slipping away from the world, his world.

“Hey.” He says tenderly. He wants to sound reassuring, a soothing presence to help her go trough the night, hiding his desolation from her.

“What time is it?” She must be wondering why he's here instead of trying to get some sleep. The tone in her voice is the same than when she tries to get him to eat a salad, or when she insists on driving after a long day of work so he can rest. She's always so caring.

“A little over 3.” He answers after a quick glance at the clock. “I couldn't sleep, I wanted to be close to you.”

They are silent for a moment, she's looking at him so intensely and he knows she can sense how wretched he feels, no matter his feeble attempt at concealing it. He doesn't want to burden her with that, she already has so much to deal with right now, no need to had to her concern. He considers leaving and let her rest but he can't take his eyes off of her, he needs to take her all in before it's too late. Suddenly she breaks the silence.

“Stop it.”

“What?”

“That look in your eyes, that guilt, I can't...” Her voice trails off, she can't take it, she's so tired and she needs him to be here, but not like this, not feeling responsible for something neither of them can control. She doesn't finish her sentence but she knows he understands, he knows her so well after all.

“Scully...” He sounds just like he looks.

“No, listen to me. I know that you think that this is your fault, that I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for your quest, but it's not true. I could have backed away the moment things got dangerous but I chose to keep going. For our cause, for the women who have experience the same ordeal I am now, and the women that will experience it unless we stop the people responsible. It's not your fault, it's their's.”

He needs to understand that, he needs to free himself from that guilt before she goes, she can't leave him like this, she owes him that much.

“I'm your partner, Scully. I'm suppose to have your back, and I've failed you. Even now, I couldn't find a cure. I keep on failing you.”

There's so much pain in his eyes she feels it could kill her even faster.

“The truth is Scully... I'm afraid. I'm afraid I won't be able to keep fighting without you. You mean the world to me... ”

“Come here.” she pulls slightly on his arm, gesturing him to come closer, where she needs him. She difficultly sits up while he settles on the edge of the bed, inches from her, hands still locked together.

“Mulder, You are the strongest person I know. Even after everything life trough at you, you keep on fighting for what you believe in. That's why I followed you in the first place. And now I need to know you will keep on, so that I'll know this wasn't all for nothing. I need you to promise me that you'll be strong, for me.”

He lets her words sink in for a moment before he responds, but there is really only one thing to tell. “I promise. I'll do anything for you.”

The smallest smile appears on his face, almost imperceptible. She can see he's trying but she's utterly conscious of how hard this is, for both of them. She can feel tears threatening to fall and she doesn't want him to see her like this, even more fragile, so she runs her hands up his shoulders and pulls him into an embrace, close to her heart.

“I'm sorry that I won't be there for you.”

“Your the one dying and still you apologize. That's so you.” He chuckles, pressing her tighter against him. He wants to make her feel good, even if it's just for a second. He picks up the hint of a laugh in her sigh and he can picture her smiling faintly. She tightens her grasp around him. They just hold each other for a minute, the other's arms ever a safe place.

Even now, when both of them are so aware of what's to come, he's still trying to make her laugh, to be true to himself, to be strong just like she asked him to be. He is everything she needs right now and she is so absolutely devastated to have to leave him. She loves him, she knows that, she has for a long time even though she didn't realize it until recently. She would become more and more aware of just how much he means to her with every day passing since her diagnosis. And now he basically confessed the same: 'You mean the world to me', those words resonate in her head louder than the constant bleeping of the machine which regulate her vitals. There is so much left unsaid between them and now she is running out of time. She wants to tell him how she feels but she's so afraid, maybe it will just hurt him more, knowing that they could have shared so much and to forever be deprived of it, maybe it will just make her final moments that much more difficult... But he deserves to know the truth, he's dedicated his life to finding it for heaven's sake! She promised herself that she would be strong till the end, brave, and she has asked him to be so only moments ago. If he can be strong for her, she can be strong for him.

“Mulder.” She pulls back a little just to look him in the eyes. “I love you.”

The emotions in her gaze as she says those words, he feels like he could melt, explode and burst into flames all at the same time only by looking at her. She's just told him she loved him and for a second he feels he might be dreaming. They have never been the best at communicating with words, they could always count on their eyes, and right know they are telling him how much she means it, how much she loves him. He's definitely not dreaming, his brain could never conjure such a beautiful sight.  
She's just told him what he'd never hoped to hear her say, and it feels a hundred times better than he could have ever imagined. She loves him and he loves her too, of course he does, he's never felt such a powerful, unique connection with anyone. Never has he loved someone so profoundly, even if it took him a while to apprehend just how much.  
So incredible and yet so devastating. He should have told her a long time ago, when they still had time. Maybe if they both had been honest with each other he could have saved her with their sheer shared loved. It's too late know and it kills him, but he promised her to be strong, and he will, she deserves it, she deserves the world and everything he can't give her, all he can offer her now is the truth.

He can't help the smile on his face as he goes to gently cup her jaw, delicately caressing her cheek with his thumb.

“I love you too.”

_was it always that simple?_

He sees that smile he could never get enough of form of her face and he can only think of kissing her now, prove to her with his lips what he'd just expressed with his words, what she sees in his eyes, and so he does.

Tender, slow, shared and so, so meaningful. He's amazed by the number of ways they get to put their feelings out there . He should have done that long ago. This is the single most wonderful kiss he's ever experienced and he wishes it could go on forever, because after that he will have to try not to think of how little occasions he will get to do it again, and of the so many ways he will never be able to show her how he feels.

She's fantasized about kissing him so many times, but never in that situation, and yet it feels so much more incredible that she could ever have imagined. Her hand goes trough his hair and the other on his nape. She doesn't want to think of after, she only wants to relish in how heavenly the present feels. The profound passion between them palpable with each movements of their lips, and she's glad they get to chase the sorrow away for a moment. At least they got to do this before the end, at least this. She never wants to let go, it's so comfortable here, so natural, and it feels so, so right.

The kiss ends but neither of them wants to let go, their foreheads pressed together, hands lingering, eyes closed, breathing in slowly the love lingering in the air.  
Once they part and open their eyes, the conversation is one of looks. Both of them reveling in all that has been said and left untold. His hand is still on her jaw and hers goes to his wrist, just gently holding, holding on.

“Will you stay here? At least until I fall asleep?”

“Of course.” There is no place he'd rather be.

Neither of them can shake the small smiles on their faces, but at this moment, still in their little bubble of bliss, they have no reason to.  
She makes room for him to lie down next to her and she rests her head on his chest, their fingers entwined there. He keeps her close, softly stroking her back. It feels like home to have her here and he so wishes it could be under different circumstances, in an happier time where they would have all of the rest of their life to spend on loving the other.  
He can feel her steadily fall asleep and he decides this can't be the end, he won't let it be the end. If Fox Mulder is one thing he is determined, determined to do everything he possibly can and more to save the woman he loves and loves him back. Once she's safe in the peacefulness of her dreams, he will go and get that cure from that cigarette smoking son of a bitch, whatever it takes. But she's not asleep yet, and he still wants to enjoy this moment they shared despite everything. Here and now there are in love and that's more he could ever have asked for.

He's spend his life searching for the truth, and now it's out there for him to witness. He's never imagined it would feel so incredible.

**Author's Note:**

> I always liked the idea of Scully saying it first, probably because she's always portrayed as so careful, and I like the idea that she just goes past this for Mulder.
> 
> feel free to tell me what you thought!


End file.
